Week 20 - Anatomy Scan

   On Friday we had our 20 week anatomy scan.  We were both really nervous for it but I am happy to report that everything is OK and our Baby A is still our little fighter.  

   We were there for over an hour.  The ultrasound tech measures everything and then takes pictures of everything.  I told her we were still bad at reading ultrasounds so luckily she labeled everything for us.  It's amazing how tiny the baby is, yet how much detail they are able to see and show us.  We have 10 fingers and 10 toes and a cute little baby nose.  We have a really strong heart and the baby still moves a bunch.  We also saw two kidneys, a great looking spin, shin bones (which are measuring long so she thinks the baby will be tall which is awesome), arm bones and pretty much everything else.  She also was able to look at the brain and said everything looked good there too.  It was all very reassuring and great news to hear.  We have more pictures than we have ever recieved before.  As you can see on the right, we have a cute little baby face profile pic.  Most of the pictures up until now are more alien-like than human.  Some have looked like the Terminator even.  Its awesome to have moved past that and be able to see a little baby now in the photos.

   

   The only difficult part was that after all the good news, I actually started looking at the monitor which I never do.  She was pointing out all kinds of stuff and I momentarily got caught up in the excitement.  Then when she was done with Baby A, she moved over to Baby B.  As soon as she did, I was speechless.  That was the first time I saw our baby since we were here last time and received the horrible news.  Its amazing how much you can miss someone that you never met, but I really do, it's  really hard.  In the beginning it was tough for me knowing that our Baby was still inside me but now I appreciate the fact that I still have some time with it before I say goodbye.  I started taking prenatal yoga and each time they say put your hand over your baby and I always put both hands on my belly and talk to both babies.  I guess in a sense, I'm lucky that I can do that.

   The next big hurdle is our cardiology appointment next week to further check on Baby A. So more fingers crossed please for that one.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

Support & Thank You

Ryan and I are so grateful for all the support we have been given over the last few months.  When this first happened we felt so alone and isolated in our struggles, but mainly by choice, it was just too hard to face the world with all of our sadness.

I just wanted to express our gratitude for all of you out there that have done so much for us in your own ways.  At one point we had so many flowers and bouquets there was no more surface space to put them on.  We have recieved cards and food and texts but mainly we have recieved all the love and support that you have sent our way.   It really means alot to us and we can't thank you enough.


Much Love,
Heather & Ryan

Week 16 - Anatomy Scan

At week 16 we went for an early anatomy scan to check on Baby A's heart.  Since the loss of Baby B, our doctor has been overly cautious about everything which we are huge fans of..  At week 16 we couldn't see a lot but we could definitely see the heart, or at least Ryan could, I still can't bring myself to look at the screen for fear of seeing Baby B.  The ultrasound tech could see the perfectly formed heart with all 4 chambers working as they should. Our doctor warned us that we probably wouldn't be able to see much more than the heart so it was to be expected. Ryan said he could see the chambers of the heart too which must have been pretty neat.

We are still going for our regular weekly ultrasound checks as well. Then we go back at week 20 for a full anatomy scan to check on all the organs.  So we pass one hurdle and still have a lot more in front of us.  We are also still going to weekly therapy appointments to work on our grief and loss and that is helping a lot.  The online support groups haven't worked out too well because we haven't found anyone in a situation like ours where they lost one baby and had to continue to be present in their current pregnancy and that dynamic is very different.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER