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| what a strong heart we have! |
Our echo was upstairs and it's always hard for me to go up there. It's where we found out about Baby B and where we went back two days later and reduced the pregnancy. We have discussed this with our therapist and she has likened it to PTSD. Anyways about 10 minutes into the procedure I got light headed and briefly felt like I was going to faint. Luckily she let me turn on my side, raised the bed and Ryan took my shoes off. I calmed down and was able to continue and complete the procedure.
After it was over, we went and met with our doctor to go over the results and game plan the next few months. Prior to our results, we were placed in a category all its own, I don't think there is a name for above high risk, but now with our good news, we are back to a regular category of just regular high risk. This means that the rest of our appointments are the same as any other high risk pregnancy, we don't have to do any more crazy testing. At this point, if we were in a normal risk pregnancy, we would have monthly appointments, but I am not at all ready for that, especially since due to my placenta placement, I'm cant feel the baby's kick yet. Luckily our doctor is amazing and understanding and is letting me continue with weekly ultrasounds and heartbeat checks. I said once I can feel the baby maybe I'll feel more comfortable going every two weeks, but we will see. He also wants us to have monthly anatomy scans upstairs so we will continue with that as well. Then starting at 32 weeks we go twice a week to the hospital for monitoring.
The hardest part is still the emotional side of all of this now and what we focus on in therapy. I am having a really difficult time still accepting and welcoming this pregnancy. Our therapist says I put up walls as protection for myself. Losing a child was just beyond painful, it's like I'm trying to not get too attached in case anything goes wrong. Our doctor started talking about child birth and the future and I got very uncomfortable. I told him my issues and how I was feeling. Again he is so kind and said he understood, Then he started talking statistics and viability. He said if I went into labor today that we would have a low chance of survival, but if I went into labor in two weeks we would have 30% and in four weeks 70% and 5 weeks 90%. He went over everything and said at this point we really need to anticipate bringing a baby home. When he started talking about birthing classes again I got uncomfortable. he gave me the name of a nurse that does private lessons in your home. The idea of that sounds much better. It's hard for me to be around 'regular' pregnant people, every time they introduce themselves, its super difficult. Its still hard for me to hear about unplanned pregnancies or people bitching about morning sickness and classifying their pregnancy as horrible because of that. We shall see how we both feel about things as we start to settle in with this new information. One day at a time is all we can do. But for now, we can celebrate this huge milestone and be happy, even if the anxiety quickly crept back in, it was still an amazing day with great news!
Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER
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