Our Little Fighter

Today we went in for our follow up ultrasound to check on Baby A and happily I can report that Baby A is still with us.  We were faced with an 8% chance of losing Baby A so we are very relieved that our little fighter is still with us.

On the other hand, there really aren't too many words to explain the heartbreak we are dealing with for Baby B.  We were literally one day away from being let off bed rest, entering the second trimester and starting to celebrate the pregnancy.  Instead we were hit with the horrifying news that Baby B would be lost to us and would not survive much longer after birth.   Having to decided to end that pregnancy to give Baby A the best chance is the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  I will never forget that appointment or the feeling of having to say goodbye to our sweet baby.

We have reached out to a therapist to get some professional help.  We need help.  We need to figure out how to remain strong for Baby A while still grieving this loss.

Thank you for reading and thank you for your support.

The Loss of Baby B

Today we received the devastating news that our Baby B has a defect that will not sustain life. It has something called omphalocele. In its minor form it has part or all on the intestines on the outside which could be corrected by surgery. In the more severe form, which we have, the heart and liver and intestines are exposed. When the heart is exposed like that, there are no actions they can take. Now our next steps is figuring out what to do to give Baby A the best chance of survival. We were with the doctor from 8am to 11:30 discussing what all this means. The crap thing is they don't know how this happened, it's either a chromosomal abnormality,  a genetic defect which is unlikely because both Ryan and the donor have been heavily screened, or just a really crappy thing that randomly happened during development. We thought today we would be celebrating moving to the second trimester, instead just heartache.  I am so exhausted of getting bad news. The words and things that were discussed with the doctor were just awful. The idea of having twins was just starting to sink in and now we have to say goodbye far to early.