Week 22 - Cardiology Appt

what a strong heart we have!

  Today was our much anticipated cardiology appointment. I am extremely happy to report that Baby A has a perfectly formed heart with no defects. This was a huge relief and the best news we could have received.  Our little fighter keeps on fighting and proving what a strong heart they have.
  Our echo was upstairs and it's always hard for me to go up there.  It's where we found out about Baby B and where we went back two days later and reduced the pregnancy.  We have discussed this with our therapist and she has likened it to PTSD.  Anyways about 10 minutes into the procedure I got light headed and briefly felt like I was going to faint.  Luckily she let me turn on my side, raised the bed and Ryan took my shoes off.  I calmed down and was able to continue and complete the procedure.
  After it was over, we went and met with our doctor to go over the results and game plan the next few months.  Prior to our results, we were placed in a category all its own, I don't think there is a name for above high risk, but now with our good news, we are back to a regular category of just regular high risk.  This means that the rest of our appointments are the same as any other high risk pregnancy, we don't have to do any more crazy testing.  At this point, if we were in a normal risk pregnancy, we would have monthly appointments, but I am not at all ready for that, especially since due to my placenta placement, I'm cant feel the baby's kick yet.  Luckily our doctor is amazing and understanding and is letting me continue with weekly ultrasounds and heartbeat checks.  I said once I can feel the baby maybe I'll feel more comfortable going every two weeks, but we will see.  He also wants us to have monthly anatomy scans upstairs so we will continue with that as well.  Then starting at 32 weeks we go twice a week to the hospital for monitoring.
  The hardest part is still the emotional side of all of this now and what we focus on in therapy.  I am having a really difficult time still accepting and welcoming this pregnancy.  Our therapist says I put up walls as protection for myself.  Losing a child was just beyond painful, it's like I'm trying to not get too attached in case anything goes wrong.  Our doctor started talking about child birth and the future and I got very uncomfortable.  I told him my issues and how I was feeling.  Again he is so kind and said he understood,  Then he started talking statistics and viability.  He said if I went into labor today that we would have a low chance of survival, but if I went into labor in two weeks we would have 30% and in four weeks 70% and 5 weeks 90%.  He went over everything and said at this point we really need to anticipate bringing a baby home.  When he started talking about birthing classes again I got uncomfortable.  he gave me the name of a nurse that does private lessons in your home.  The idea of that sounds much better.  It's hard for me to be around 'regular' pregnant people, every time they introduce themselves, its super difficult.  Its still hard for me to hear about unplanned pregnancies or people bitching about morning sickness and classifying their pregnancy as horrible because of that.  We shall see how we both feel about things as we start to settle in with this new information.  One day at a time is all we can do.  But for now, we can celebrate this huge milestone and be happy, even if the anxiety quickly crept back in, it was still an amazing day with great news!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Week 20 - Anatomy Scan

   On Friday we had our 20 week anatomy scan.  We were both really nervous for it but I am happy to report that everything is OK and our Baby A is still our little fighter.  

   We were there for over an hour.  The ultrasound tech measures everything and then takes pictures of everything.  I told her we were still bad at reading ultrasounds so luckily she labeled everything for us.  It's amazing how tiny the baby is, yet how much detail they are able to see and show us.  We have 10 fingers and 10 toes and a cute little baby nose.  We have a really strong heart and the baby still moves a bunch.  We also saw two kidneys, a great looking spin, shin bones (which are measuring long so she thinks the baby will be tall which is awesome), arm bones and pretty much everything else.  She also was able to look at the brain and said everything looked good there too.  It was all very reassuring and great news to hear.  We have more pictures than we have ever recieved before.  As you can see on the right, we have a cute little baby face profile pic.  Most of the pictures up until now are more alien-like than human.  Some have looked like the Terminator even.  Its awesome to have moved past that and be able to see a little baby now in the photos.

   

   The only difficult part was that after all the good news, I actually started looking at the monitor which I never do.  She was pointing out all kinds of stuff and I momentarily got caught up in the excitement.  Then when she was done with Baby A, she moved over to Baby B.  As soon as she did, I was speechless.  That was the first time I saw our baby since we were here last time and received the horrible news.  Its amazing how much you can miss someone that you never met, but I really do, it's  really hard.  In the beginning it was tough for me knowing that our Baby was still inside me but now I appreciate the fact that I still have some time with it before I say goodbye.  I started taking prenatal yoga and each time they say put your hand over your baby and I always put both hands on my belly and talk to both babies.  I guess in a sense, I'm lucky that I can do that.

   The next big hurdle is our cardiology appointment next week to further check on Baby A. So more fingers crossed please for that one.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

Support & Thank You

Ryan and I are so grateful for all the support we have been given over the last few months.  When this first happened we felt so alone and isolated in our struggles, but mainly by choice, it was just too hard to face the world with all of our sadness.

I just wanted to express our gratitude for all of you out there that have done so much for us in your own ways.  At one point we had so many flowers and bouquets there was no more surface space to put them on.  We have recieved cards and food and texts but mainly we have recieved all the love and support that you have sent our way.   It really means alot to us and we can't thank you enough.


Much Love,
Heather & Ryan

Our Little Fighter

Today we went in for our follow up ultrasound to check on Baby A and happily I can report that Baby A is still with us.  We were faced with an 8% chance of losing Baby A so we are very relieved that our little fighter is still with us.

On the other hand, there really aren't too many words to explain the heartbreak we are dealing with for Baby B.  We were literally one day away from being let off bed rest, entering the second trimester and starting to celebrate the pregnancy.  Instead we were hit with the horrifying news that Baby B would be lost to us and would not survive much longer after birth.   Having to decided to end that pregnancy to give Baby A the best chance is the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  I will never forget that appointment or the feeling of having to say goodbye to our sweet baby.

We have reached out to a therapist to get some professional help.  We need help.  We need to figure out how to remain strong for Baby A while still grieving this loss.

Thank you for reading and thank you for your support.

Meeting Our OB

Yesterday was very exciting, we met our OB for the first time.  He will be our doctor for the next 6 months and if all goes as planned, will deliver our babies.  He is part of a practice so it's kind of whoever is on duty at the time.  It was an exciting appoint because for the first time, we had an appointment where we talked about the babies actually coming into the world.  It was it all so real in an amazingly wonderful way.

Our doctor is an MFM which stands for maternal fetal medicine.  It is basically a specialized OB for high risk pregnancies.  This pregnancy is considered a high risk pregnancy because I am of advanced maternal age (I hate this phrase), anyone over 35 falls into that category, because I have multiples, because I am on blood thinners and because of the complications early on in the pregnancy.

About 2 minutes into meeting him, I knew he was the doctor for me.  He had actually delivered my friends twins so I knew he was capable, I just also really liked his personality.  He knew of my IF journey and he reassured me that since we had worked so hard to get where we were that he would do everything to ensure these babies are safe and healthy and so am I.

He made a comment about how I probably know a lot already about being pregnant and I said I really didn't.  The last 5 1/2 years I have spent researching getting pregnant, I have no idea what I am doing from this point on.  He assured me that even though I don't know what I am doing, my does and it is doing everything it can so that the babies are getting what they need.

He did an ultrasound and this part was very exciting.  It was an ultrasound from on top of my stomach, no more vaginal ultrasounds!!!! This alone is a reason to celebrate.  He said everything looked good and the babies looked great.  He didn't see anything to be concerned about.  He also did a pap smear because it had been two years since I had one done.  Thankfully he skipped the breast exam because mine are so painful right now.

We talked at length about a vaginal birth compared to a C-section.  He would prefer a vaginal birth which I would too.  He gave me a 60% chance of having one which is what all people carrying twins gets.  In order to deliver vaginally, the baby further down needs to be face down and needs to be bigger than the top baby.  We will figure this out much later, but he did tell me that baby B is the baby that is further down so that's the one to watch.  The other exciting news it that he calculated my due date.  For twins, they won't let you go past 38 weeks, so if my water doesn't break before that, they will induce on Dec 21st (my birthday) for a delivery on Dec 22nd.  I am so excited about that.  Our nephew was born on Dec 24th so lots of Christmas babies in this family.  I am also excited that I will deliver at Sharp hospital, which is the same hospital I was born at.

He then talked about what the next 6 months will be like.  He started by saying I come in every month for ultrasounds and an OB check.  I freaked out when he said this.  I am so used to weekly appointments that monthly sounded like an eternity.  He then said he would do an appointment very two weeks for me to help ease the anxiety and keep my calm.  This really did help and reassure my choice in doctors.

Here is the quick recap of my notes and the questions I had for him:

• My RE had a weaning protocol for baby aspirin but he wants me to stay on them the entire pregnancy
• for the next two weeks, I can walk and drive, then after that I can do yoga and swim.  After 68 days of bedrest, this was music to my ears.
• He wants me eating 2500 calories a day.  I am nowhere near that because food is super gross right now.  I'm working on it though..
• For nausea, he wants me to try taking B6
• I asked if there was anything I could do for breast tenderness and he said not really.  The good news though is that the height of the pain is around 11 weeks and that is less than a week away so it's almost over.
• I asked what books he recommended and he like What to Expect and the Mayo Clinic Guide

We finished the appointment by talking about all the testing to be done.  We walked next door to the lab and I gave about 10 vials of blood.  This was called first trimester screening.  We will get the results at our next appointment which is June 22nd.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

10 Week Update - Graduation Day

Our graduation gift

Today was a very exciting day for us. Today was our graduation day.  That means that we have graduated from our RE and we are now patients of our perinatologist-OB.  This is another huge milestone and a giant accomplishment.  I still feel like I am dreaming.  It is so hard to grasp the fact that we are where we are.  We have dreamed and prayed for this for so long and have had so many failures along the way, I seriously doubted we would actually make it here.  It was so amazing to hear the words that we graduated.  Our doctor wished us the best of luck and shook our hands.  The rest of the staff have really come to follow our journey right alongside of us.  As soon as we get our ultrasound done, we exit the room and I excitedly show off our little ones.  Today we were greeted with a graduation gift and a very sweet card that everyone signed.  I hugged everyone.  I will miss our clinic so much.  They really have been right by my side every step of the way.

Baby B

Baby A

Today the babies are about 1 1/2" big and about the size of a kumquat.  Both babies measured right on schedule.  Baby A measured 9 weeks and 6 days and had a heart rate of 176.  Baby B measured 10 weeks and 1 day and also had a heart rate of 176.  Baby A was moving a bit, but Baby B was seriously rocking out.  That baby was moving its arms like crazy and was spinning around too.  It is so amazing to actually see them moving and finally see them as little beings.  They are much more human-like and less on the blob side.  They have arms and legs now and little noses.  Not sure when we'll find out the gender yet so they are still just Baby A and Baby B.  Look how cute they are!  

Today's lunch

As for me, I am hanging in there.  Still on limited activity.  I am in full swing of being pregnant and the side effects are really starting to kick in.  Everything smells to me, all food is pretty gross and everything makes me gag.  At the end of the day, I am so excited that the babies are doing well that I am trying my best not to complain about my symptoms.  

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER