Today is the Day - 38 weeks & 6 days

   We finally made it to the end of this pregnancy and the beginning of the birth.  Today is the big day.  It has been a very long week.  Due to the diagnosis of decreased fetal movement, we have been to triage every day for additional testing and some much needed peace of mind.  

   The schedule for today is one last appointment with the doctor for a final check on the baby and to see how I'm progressing so she can decide what medications to give, what dosage and when to induce labor.  Then we check into the hospital at 7pm.  Their estimate is that the baby will be born sometime between the afternoon of the 29th and at the latest the morning of the 30th.  We are still hoping for a vaginal delivery which means it will take longer and move a bit slower.  At this point we don't really care.  Our birth plan is for a healthy baby, whatever else happens, happens.  So in between now and then I am having my last prenatal massage, then having dinner before we check into the hospital.  The rest of the day will be spent trying to remain calm and keeping busy.

   I am filled with all kinds of emotions today.  I am excited to have actually made it this far and the thought of finally holding my baby in my arms is overwhelming.  It has been such a long journey.  It's surreal that this moment has actually come to be.

   I am extremely nervous for the birth, there is just so much that could go wrong and when there is a chance of something going wrong with us, it usually does.  We recently found out that the umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck.  Our doctor told us that it happens to 1 out of 4 babies and usually they can slip it off during labor, yet its just another thing to cause us worry.  We are still dealing with the diagnosis of decreased fetal movement and they show concern over that too.  I am happy that the pregnancy is almost over and these pregnancy worries will go away soon.  I'm looking forward to being able to just look at the baby and see that he is ok instead of having to wait for an appointment and the doctor freaking us out before we know all is ok.  

   And finally sadness, it really hits home today the loss of Baby B.  Every time we went to our appointments this last week it comes up as part of the questions the nurses as me.  

  Looking forward to writing my next post and announcing the birth of our son!

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

38 Weeks w/ 1 Week To Go

It's the final countdown!!!  We are officially a week away.  Our induction is next Wednesday with a birth more than likely on Thursday.  We start every morning now with a trip to triage and today was no exception.  Luckily he was moving a bunch so the test looked great with no issues. Since he was not moving too much on Monday or Tuesday, it's a huge relief when we can get him going and moving.   My fluid levels are good.  Cervix is still closed and no contractions long enough to count, just little ones every 10 - 15 minutes it seems.  So as of right now it looks like he will hold on for the full week, which sounds like it's soon, but this week is going to crawl by.  It's just so difficult to keep fearing the worst.  At least when he is born, I can just look over to see he is breathing instead of having to trek to the hospital every day.  It's never a good thing when they know you by name at the hospital.

I don't have any new pictures for today because he was nestled with his head on my placenta as a pillow so you couldn't see too much that really looked like a face.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

37 Weeks

Yesterday we had another scare, everything is OK now, but I am really getting tired of all these bumps in the road.  

Our little guy has had a pretty regular routine for the last several months.  He wakes up between 3am and 4am.  It may sound like it's early and not fun, but I actually love it.  Its like its our special time together. Anyways, this particular morning, he wasn't active at all. I got up and ate something and still nothing. By the time we got to our morning appointment I was in panic mode. Things just got worse when our doctor couldn't wake him up either. He still had a strong heartbeat, he just wouldn't wake up. Anyways after about 10 minutes our doctor did get him up and moving but it was a long 10 minutes. During that 10 minutes he was talking about sending us to the hospital and having our baby that day. In the end, because they were able to get him moving, then sent us for monitoring instead. All the test came back ok and we were sent on our way.

photos from our last scan

Today it wasn't as dramatic,  but we still had a tough time of waking him up.  So I'm on edge and nervous every moment I don't feel him. We are 8 days away from our induction date which is inducing at 39 weeks.  Because of these set backs and for our peace of mind, we are now scheduled to go to triage every morning to be monitored from now until when the baby comes.

Like I told my therapist today, I am so ready for the baby to come and start worrying about parenting issues rather than having all these pregnancy worries, I am just so over all of it. We have definitely had our fair share so enough already!  So fingers and toes are crossed that this little guy stays active or my water breaks and we can welcome him into the world sooner.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

Week 33

Our week 33 check up came a few days early because of scheduling.  Today was very exciting.  Today we came up with our delivery schedule.  From the beginning we had talked about being induced because our doctor was uncomfortable letting us go full term.  Today we decided on being induced on December 28th which would more than likely mean a delivery on December 29th.  December 29th is exactly 39 weeks.  He said at 39 weeks, the chances of the baby needing the NICU is about 1% and that's probably the lowest it ever gets.

I am very excited that we have a due date finally and we can start planning around that.  I really like that I won't constantly we sitting around worried when my water will break and when will I go into labor?  I have plenty already on my plate to worry about.

We are keeping busy whether we like it or not, with a ton of classes.  So far we have taken How to Avoid Preterm Labor, Cloth Diapering, and Breastfeeding 101.  We are about half way done with our Labor & Delivery Class (my least favorite).  Still to go we have Cord Blood Banking, Newborn 101, Infant CPR, Baby Wearing and Baby Sleep Strategies.  We also have lots and lots of doctors appointments.  We have non-stress tests, anatomy scans and OB checks.  I like all the doctors appointments though.  Everytime we go it just reassures us that everything is ok.

Looking forward to meeting our little guy soon!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Week 28 - Started With A Scare (everything is OK)

Well we made it to week 28 and that means we made it to the 3rd trimester!  Making it to the 3rd trimester is a huge milestone for us.  There was a time when we honestly didn't see this happening.  We are so happy to put that awful 2nd trimester behind us and move forward.


However, because it is us and we are doomed to never have this pregnancy be uneventful, we had a bit of a scare on Friday.  Only 1 day into the 3rd trimester and we had a freakout.  Everything is ok now, but it was a rough start.

On Fridays I do prenatal yoga which is more like a stretching and meditation class.  At the end, during savasana, our teacher has us recline back and close our eyes and talk to our babies.  It has been a very special time for me since I have been so excited to finally feel out little guy inside me.  He always reacts and I feel him kick and move a ton during this time and its one of my favorite parts of the class.  Anyways on Friday he didn't make one single movement.  I came straight home after class and ate something and laid down as that is supposed to wake them up and get them to move.  Still nothing.  I then googled 'how to get your baby to kick' and tried everything, after 30 minutes of nothing, we called our doctor.  In a very calm voice he told us to hang up and go immediately to Triage.  So Ryan ran upstairs, changed, let Parker out to pee and we were in the car in about 7 minutes and off to the hospital we went.  We arrived about 10 minutes later, checked in and was in a bed and hooked up to monitors within about 3 minutes.  And luckily about 1 minute after all that commotion, he decided to wake up and start kicking and kicking and kicking.  When you are hooked up to the monitors it puts his kicks on like a microphone.  It was the most amazing and beautiful sound and feeling ever.  Afte about an hour we were discharged and we quickly came home and I took a nap.  That was a lot of action for one day.  At least we learned that in an emergency, we handled it pretty well and that our hospital is amazing.

Aside from that scare, things are going well.  Up until this point we had decided to not buy anything or do anything baby related because we just weren't ready yet.  Now that we have turned a corner, things are progressing and we are moving forward nicely, we decided to move ahead and start planning for this baby.  We are in the middle of planning a shower, we ordered things to start putting the nursery together and most excitingly, we made our first baby purchase...

would you really expect anything less??!!!

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Gender Reveal

IT'S A BOY!!!   

After we made it to the viability stage we were much more comfortable with the idea of actually finishing this pregnancy and taking a baby home from the hospital.  As soon as we started to feel kicks, it was if something got switched in my brain and I really started to connect with the pregnancy and with the baby.  It was at this point that we felt comfortable enough in our situation to share the good news and let everyone know the gender. 

I ordered a dog collar online that revealed the gender and put it on our dog Parker.  We brought her over to my parents house and let her inside and didn't say anything.  It took my Mom about 5 seconds to notice and then my Dad turned around and saw it too.  I burst into tears and we all hugged.  It was really special and wonderful to finally be able to celebrate this pregnancy.  For the family members not in San Diego we sent a video of Parker wearing the collar and just said that Parker had something to tell them.  It was kind of fun to do something special.  We are super excited and knowing the gender makes it that much more real.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

Week 25 - GD

After finally being able to feel our little guy and feeling like we are in a good place, it was time for more testing.  Every pregnant woman takes a glucose test at this point in their pregnancy.  It is to test for gestational diabetes and sadly, I failed the test.  There are 3 tests, The first one is a fasting test and you are supposed to score 92 or under and I tested at 94 and unfortunately no matter how much you fail by, a fail is a fail. The other two I passed just fine but that doesn't matter. So my doctor ordered a diabetes testing kit for me and told me to monitor myself for 2 weeks and go to the diabetic center at the hospital.  The diet they told me to follow I already eat that way so there is no real diet change of what I eat.  The only thing I can change is when I eat and how much.  She actually wants me to eat more often and eat more food and calories when I do eat.  So I did that for about 10 days and my fasting number still bordered around that 94 number and didn't lower.  So my doctor put me on a pill that I take a night and that did the trick and now my fasting number is between 70 and 89 so well below 92.  I still have to test my blood 4 times a day and by me, I mean Ryan has to do it for me because I can't see or deal with blood.  Our doctor isn't concerned and thinks there are no additional issues.  We are already being monitored very closely so no additional appointments are needed at this point.

Week 24 - Kicks & Viability

   Finally at week 24 we felt the baby kick!!!!!  This is amazing and exciting and just down right awesome news.  Most folks feel the baby starting around week 15 so we are 2 months late to the party.  Both of my placentas attached in the front so we weren't quite sure we would get to the feel the baby.  Actually Ryan always felt we would but I was never sure.  Anyways on Friday I woke up to about 5 clear as day kicks, I guess the baby got up before me :)  I couldn't wait to text Ryan and tell him the good news.  When Ryan came home, he put his ear to my stomach and about 30 seconds later, the baby kicked and it physically made Ryan's head jump a bit.  It was amazing.  I am so glad we both got to feel this on the same day.   Since then, like clockwork, our baby kicks every morning and every night when I lay down.

   Week 24 is the viability week.  It means that if for some reason, I gave birth today, our baby would have a good chance of surviving.  It would still be in the NICU and wouldn't be good, we are really only talking about basic survivability, but it's still great news to make it here.  3 months ago, I couldn't even imagine getting this far.  Hitting this milestone the same week we finally felt kicks has been a huge accomplishment for us.


   Mentally and emotionally we still have lots of issues we are working through and will still continue with weekly therapy appointments.  Since I can now feel the baby on a daily basis we are going to try and go longer than ever week to our OB check appointments, but nothing crazy, instead of every week we are going to go every 1 1/2 weeks and see if we are comfortable in doing so.  Our doctor is leaving the decision up to us and if 10 days seems too long, we will move back to weekly appointments.  For now though, it's really starting to feel real for the very first time and hopefully that turns into some comfort on our end.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Week 22 - Cardiology Appt

what a strong heart we have!

  Today was our much anticipated cardiology appointment. I am extremely happy to report that Baby A has a perfectly formed heart with no defects. This was a huge relief and the best news we could have received.  Our little fighter keeps on fighting and proving what a strong heart they have.
  Our echo was upstairs and it's always hard for me to go up there.  It's where we found out about Baby B and where we went back two days later and reduced the pregnancy.  We have discussed this with our therapist and she has likened it to PTSD.  Anyways about 10 minutes into the procedure I got light headed and briefly felt like I was going to faint.  Luckily she let me turn on my side, raised the bed and Ryan took my shoes off.  I calmed down and was able to continue and complete the procedure.
  After it was over, we went and met with our doctor to go over the results and game plan the next few months.  Prior to our results, we were placed in a category all its own, I don't think there is a name for above high risk, but now with our good news, we are back to a regular category of just regular high risk.  This means that the rest of our appointments are the same as any other high risk pregnancy, we don't have to do any more crazy testing.  At this point, if we were in a normal risk pregnancy, we would have monthly appointments, but I am not at all ready for that, especially since due to my placenta placement, I'm cant feel the baby's kick yet.  Luckily our doctor is amazing and understanding and is letting me continue with weekly ultrasounds and heartbeat checks.  I said once I can feel the baby maybe I'll feel more comfortable going every two weeks, but we will see.  He also wants us to have monthly anatomy scans upstairs so we will continue with that as well.  Then starting at 32 weeks we go twice a week to the hospital for monitoring.
  The hardest part is still the emotional side of all of this now and what we focus on in therapy.  I am having a really difficult time still accepting and welcoming this pregnancy.  Our therapist says I put up walls as protection for myself.  Losing a child was just beyond painful, it's like I'm trying to not get too attached in case anything goes wrong.  Our doctor started talking about child birth and the future and I got very uncomfortable.  I told him my issues and how I was feeling.  Again he is so kind and said he understood,  Then he started talking statistics and viability.  He said if I went into labor today that we would have a low chance of survival, but if I went into labor in two weeks we would have 30% and in four weeks 70% and 5 weeks 90%.  He went over everything and said at this point we really need to anticipate bringing a baby home.  When he started talking about birthing classes again I got uncomfortable.  he gave me the name of a nurse that does private lessons in your home.  The idea of that sounds much better.  It's hard for me to be around 'regular' pregnant people, every time they introduce themselves, its super difficult.  Its still hard for me to hear about unplanned pregnancies or people bitching about morning sickness and classifying their pregnancy as horrible because of that.  We shall see how we both feel about things as we start to settle in with this new information.  One day at a time is all we can do.  But for now, we can celebrate this huge milestone and be happy, even if the anxiety quickly crept back in, it was still an amazing day with great news!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Week 20 - Anatomy Scan

   On Friday we had our 20 week anatomy scan.  We were both really nervous for it but I am happy to report that everything is OK and our Baby A is still our little fighter.  

   We were there for over an hour.  The ultrasound tech measures everything and then takes pictures of everything.  I told her we were still bad at reading ultrasounds so luckily she labeled everything for us.  It's amazing how tiny the baby is, yet how much detail they are able to see and show us.  We have 10 fingers and 10 toes and a cute little baby nose.  We have a really strong heart and the baby still moves a bunch.  We also saw two kidneys, a great looking spin, shin bones (which are measuring long so she thinks the baby will be tall which is awesome), arm bones and pretty much everything else.  She also was able to look at the brain and said everything looked good there too.  It was all very reassuring and great news to hear.  We have more pictures than we have ever recieved before.  As you can see on the right, we have a cute little baby face profile pic.  Most of the pictures up until now are more alien-like than human.  Some have looked like the Terminator even.  Its awesome to have moved past that and be able to see a little baby now in the photos.

   

   The only difficult part was that after all the good news, I actually started looking at the monitor which I never do.  She was pointing out all kinds of stuff and I momentarily got caught up in the excitement.  Then when she was done with Baby A, she moved over to Baby B.  As soon as she did, I was speechless.  That was the first time I saw our baby since we were here last time and received the horrible news.  Its amazing how much you can miss someone that you never met, but I really do, it's  really hard.  In the beginning it was tough for me knowing that our Baby was still inside me but now I appreciate the fact that I still have some time with it before I say goodbye.  I started taking prenatal yoga and each time they say put your hand over your baby and I always put both hands on my belly and talk to both babies.  I guess in a sense, I'm lucky that I can do that.

   The next big hurdle is our cardiology appointment next week to further check on Baby A. So more fingers crossed please for that one.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

Week 16 - Anatomy Scan

At week 16 we went for an early anatomy scan to check on Baby A's heart.  Since the loss of Baby B, our doctor has been overly cautious about everything which we are huge fans of..  At week 16 we couldn't see a lot but we could definitely see the heart, or at least Ryan could, I still can't bring myself to look at the screen for fear of seeing Baby B.  The ultrasound tech could see the perfectly formed heart with all 4 chambers working as they should. Our doctor warned us that we probably wouldn't be able to see much more than the heart so it was to be expected. Ryan said he could see the chambers of the heart too which must have been pretty neat.

We are still going for our regular weekly ultrasound checks as well. Then we go back at week 20 for a full anatomy scan to check on all the organs.  So we pass one hurdle and still have a lot more in front of us.  We are also still going to weekly therapy appointments to work on our grief and loss and that is helping a lot.  The online support groups haven't worked out too well because we haven't found anyone in a situation like ours where they lost one baby and had to continue to be present in their current pregnancy and that dynamic is very different.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

10 Week Update - Graduation Day

Our graduation gift

Today was a very exciting day for us. Today was our graduation day.  That means that we have graduated from our RE and we are now patients of our perinatologist-OB.  This is another huge milestone and a giant accomplishment.  I still feel like I am dreaming.  It is so hard to grasp the fact that we are where we are.  We have dreamed and prayed for this for so long and have had so many failures along the way, I seriously doubted we would actually make it here.  It was so amazing to hear the words that we graduated.  Our doctor wished us the best of luck and shook our hands.  The rest of the staff have really come to follow our journey right alongside of us.  As soon as we get our ultrasound done, we exit the room and I excitedly show off our little ones.  Today we were greeted with a graduation gift and a very sweet card that everyone signed.  I hugged everyone.  I will miss our clinic so much.  They really have been right by my side every step of the way.

Baby B

Baby A

Today the babies are about 1 1/2" big and about the size of a kumquat.  Both babies measured right on schedule.  Baby A measured 9 weeks and 6 days and had a heart rate of 176.  Baby B measured 10 weeks and 1 day and also had a heart rate of 176.  Baby A was moving a bit, but Baby B was seriously rocking out.  That baby was moving its arms like crazy and was spinning around too.  It is so amazing to actually see them moving and finally see them as little beings.  They are much more human-like and less on the blob side.  They have arms and legs now and little noses.  Not sure when we'll find out the gender yet so they are still just Baby A and Baby B.  Look how cute they are!  

Today's lunch

As for me, I am hanging in there.  Still on limited activity.  I am in full swing of being pregnant and the side effects are really starting to kick in.  Everything smells to me, all food is pretty gross and everything makes me gag.  At the end of the day, I am so excited that the babies are doing well that I am trying my best not to complain about my symptoms.  

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

Current Medication List

A few people have asked what my current protocol is so I thought I would post it here.  Everything listed is to assist in maintaining the pregnancy. Levothyroxine is to regulate my thyroid.  Lovenox is a blood thinner to prevent miscarriage.  The addition of extra supplements to my prenatal is because I am a vegetarian and those vitamins I tend to run low on.

Medications:
levothyroxine 50mcg - 1 a day
estradiol 2 mg - 3 a day
oral progesterone 100mg - 3 a day
progesterone suppositories 400mg - 2 a day
lovenox - 1 a day

Supplements:
Thorne basic prenatal - 3 a day
algae omega 715mg omega 3 - 3 a day
baby aspirin - 1 a day
vitamin D 5,000 iu - 2 a day
vitamin C 500mg - 1 a day
iron 15mc - 2 a day
l-5-mthf 1,000mg - 1 a day
CoQ10 200mg - 1 a day

The good news is I received the go ahead to start weaning myself off of some the meds that I'm on because the placenta has been formed and my doctor has determined that some are no longer necessary. This is amazing news. I am so excited to say goodbye to progesterone and lovenox :)  Because I have been on these for so long, I can't just quit overnight, it would be too much of a shock to the babies, so I am doing a slow weaning process.  Here is my weaning schedule:

• Switch lovenox to every other day for 1 more week
• Switch oral progesterone to 2 a day this week, then 1 a day next week
• Switch estradiol to  2 a day this week, then 1 a day next week
• Continue progesterone suppositories 400 mg 2 a day for this  week, then 200 mg 2 a day next week,  then 200 at night only the following next week
• Continue baby aspirin for 3 weeks then discontinue

The more hurdles and obstacles we pass and overcome, the more real this pregnancy gets.  I'm still on bedrest for precautionary purposes but it's pretty exciting to make it this far and know that my body is starting to take care of the babies and I no longer need these medications.  We are still on weekly ultrasound appointments so I will have another update on Thursday.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

7 Week Update

This week was our 7 week check.  We were extremely nervous going into this appointment. With all the complications I've had, we just weren't confident in the outcome of today.  The point of the appointment was this was going to be the first appointment where we would be able to measure our progress and make sure that everything is developing as it should be and on schedule and healthy.

In the waiting room, trying to pass the time
and not think about how nervous we were.

We brought our good luck egg with us and I wore a new bracelet my Mom bought me for good luck.  I also had on my fertility charm necklace.  With crazy anxiety we headed off to our appointment.  Luckily we never wait too long at our clinic, but still the time passed so slowly.




I am very happy to report that we received wonderful news, every number came in perfect!  And drumroll please......, there are lots of numbers to report because we have two babies, we are having twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meet our babies

Baby A measured 7 weeks exactly, right on schedule.  The heart rate was 153 bpm.  Baby B measured 7 weeks and 1 day and had a heart rate of 146 bpm.  These numbers are great.  At this stage we were looking for anything over 120 bpm to show a strong heart so we were just elated with our numbers.  The ultrasound machine can actually play the heart rate so we heard it for the first time.  It was all I could do to hold back the tears but I just didn't want to miss a thing he was saying.  It was such a blessing to finally hear our little miracles and see that they were both doing well.

Now for the other news, I'm still bleeding a lot but the good news is that he thinks he found the source of it.  I have a hairline tear in my cervix.  He believes that it is the result of the large amount of progesterone that I am on and exasperated by the blood thinners.  I still have the blood clot in my uterus too, but he really thinks the bleed is from the cervix.  So I still have to remain on bed rest.  He said that he will let me off of bed rest when I don't bleed for 5 days in a row but he cautioned that this probably won't happen until I'm off the progesterone and that isn't happening for another month.  So he told me to get comfy on the couch.

Our other reason to remain cautious is the irregular shape of Baby B's (on the right) gestational sac.  The gestational sac should be circular, just like Baby A (on the left).  This irregular shape is cause for concern.  I asked him when we will be able to be a little more confident in Baby B and his response was that if the babies make it to week 9, we can feel much better that they will make it to the end.

So while it is too early to really celebrate, we are over the moon that we passed the first big hurdle and at this point, both babies are doing great.  I will continue to see the doctor every week and get new measurements to track their growth.  According to my pregnancy app, that babies aren't really human looking yet and still have tails.  It showed a picture of a 7 week old and it looks more lizard like to me.  They are about 1/2" big and the size of blueberries.  Here's hoping and praying that our little blueberries keep growing and keep fighting!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Welcome To My New Blog

Welcome to my new blog and a new chapter in our journey.  As I write this post, I am officially 6 weeks pregnant (it's crazy to even type that!), which is way too soon to be official and there are many hurdles and many things that can go wrong, but in the interest of full disclosure, something we felt we wanted to share.  There is a reason that people traditionally don't tell anyone until 12 weeks because so much can go wrong between now and then, but this journey has been far from traditional.  And if God forbid, something does go wrong, we are going to need all the support we can get.

As the name of my blog suggests, I will always be a part of the infertility community, just getting a positive test results doesn't mean that we have overcome the emotional toll that infertility places on us.  We are still dealing with infertility even though I am pregnant, which sounds like such a conflicting statements.  Because this pregnancy was created through ART, we have different challenges, both mental and physical, than a spontaneous and traditional pregnancy.  I will explore those issues as we progress.

Parker is glued to my side.  I wonder if she knows...

Right now I am on bed rest, I've had complications and my doctor is concerned, so living on the couch it is.  I've had a lot of bleeding, coupled with severe cramping.  On my last ultrasound he found a blood clot in my uterus.  So couch life it is.

Huge shout out to my family!  They have been awesome and take turns coming over.  I am so thankful to be home in San Diego and to have their help.  I'm rotating through my Mom, Dad, Brother and Grandmother. And of course Ryan is here too and Parker.  Every time I take a few steps, the pain gets much worse so having them around has been great.

Our last ultrasounds was too early to take measurements of anything so all we have really been able to see is the gestational sac and the yolk sac.  We go back in a week and at 7 weeks things should be big enough to get accurate measurements and be able to tell how viable this pregnancy really is.  I asked my doctor when I can get excited and feel like this is actually something real and his answer was at 9 weeks, so we have 3 very long weeks to go.

At this point, we both go back and forth from happy to scared to death.  I am trying to stay positive but have been sucked into dark thoughts and have had several bad days. Every time I go to the doctor, we get some good news and some bad news.  Plus being so involved in the infertility community, I have heard so many awful stories.  For the last 5 years, every time I have felt a glimmer of hope, it has been a hard awful crash back down. Mentally just trying to protect myself and not get too excited just yet.  I will say though that making it to this point has been a giant relief on one very significant level.  Up until now, I had no idea if my body would ever make it to implantation.  Now at least we know that I can which is amazing in and of itself.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER