Today is the Day - 38 weeks & 6 days

   We finally made it to the end of this pregnancy and the beginning of the birth.  Today is the big day.  It has been a very long week.  Due to the diagnosis of decreased fetal movement, we have been to triage every day for additional testing and some much needed peace of mind.  

   The schedule for today is one last appointment with the doctor for a final check on the baby and to see how I'm progressing so she can decide what medications to give, what dosage and when to induce labor.  Then we check into the hospital at 7pm.  Their estimate is that the baby will be born sometime between the afternoon of the 29th and at the latest the morning of the 30th.  We are still hoping for a vaginal delivery which means it will take longer and move a bit slower.  At this point we don't really care.  Our birth plan is for a healthy baby, whatever else happens, happens.  So in between now and then I am having my last prenatal massage, then having dinner before we check into the hospital.  The rest of the day will be spent trying to remain calm and keeping busy.

   I am filled with all kinds of emotions today.  I am excited to have actually made it this far and the thought of finally holding my baby in my arms is overwhelming.  It has been such a long journey.  It's surreal that this moment has actually come to be.

   I am extremely nervous for the birth, there is just so much that could go wrong and when there is a chance of something going wrong with us, it usually does.  We recently found out that the umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck.  Our doctor told us that it happens to 1 out of 4 babies and usually they can slip it off during labor, yet its just another thing to cause us worry.  We are still dealing with the diagnosis of decreased fetal movement and they show concern over that too.  I am happy that the pregnancy is almost over and these pregnancy worries will go away soon.  I'm looking forward to being able to just look at the baby and see that he is ok instead of having to wait for an appointment and the doctor freaking us out before we know all is ok.  

   And finally sadness, it really hits home today the loss of Baby B.  Every time we went to our appointments this last week it comes up as part of the questions the nurses as me.  

  Looking forward to writing my next post and announcing the birth of our son!

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

Week 33

Our week 33 check up came a few days early because of scheduling.  Today was very exciting.  Today we came up with our delivery schedule.  From the beginning we had talked about being induced because our doctor was uncomfortable letting us go full term.  Today we decided on being induced on December 28th which would more than likely mean a delivery on December 29th.  December 29th is exactly 39 weeks.  He said at 39 weeks, the chances of the baby needing the NICU is about 1% and that's probably the lowest it ever gets.

I am very excited that we have a due date finally and we can start planning around that.  I really like that I won't constantly we sitting around worried when my water will break and when will I go into labor?  I have plenty already on my plate to worry about.

We are keeping busy whether we like it or not, with a ton of classes.  So far we have taken How to Avoid Preterm Labor, Cloth Diapering, and Breastfeeding 101.  We are about half way done with our Labor & Delivery Class (my least favorite).  Still to go we have Cord Blood Banking, Newborn 101, Infant CPR, Baby Wearing and Baby Sleep Strategies.  We also have lots and lots of doctors appointments.  We have non-stress tests, anatomy scans and OB checks.  I like all the doctors appointments though.  Everytime we go it just reassures us that everything is ok.

Looking forward to meeting our little guy soon!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Week 28 - Started With A Scare (everything is OK)

Well we made it to week 28 and that means we made it to the 3rd trimester!  Making it to the 3rd trimester is a huge milestone for us.  There was a time when we honestly didn't see this happening.  We are so happy to put that awful 2nd trimester behind us and move forward.


However, because it is us and we are doomed to never have this pregnancy be uneventful, we had a bit of a scare on Friday.  Only 1 day into the 3rd trimester and we had a freakout.  Everything is ok now, but it was a rough start.

On Fridays I do prenatal yoga which is more like a stretching and meditation class.  At the end, during savasana, our teacher has us recline back and close our eyes and talk to our babies.  It has been a very special time for me since I have been so excited to finally feel out little guy inside me.  He always reacts and I feel him kick and move a ton during this time and its one of my favorite parts of the class.  Anyways on Friday he didn't make one single movement.  I came straight home after class and ate something and laid down as that is supposed to wake them up and get them to move.  Still nothing.  I then googled 'how to get your baby to kick' and tried everything, after 30 minutes of nothing, we called our doctor.  In a very calm voice he told us to hang up and go immediately to Triage.  So Ryan ran upstairs, changed, let Parker out to pee and we were in the car in about 7 minutes and off to the hospital we went.  We arrived about 10 minutes later, checked in and was in a bed and hooked up to monitors within about 3 minutes.  And luckily about 1 minute after all that commotion, he decided to wake up and start kicking and kicking and kicking.  When you are hooked up to the monitors it puts his kicks on like a microphone.  It was the most amazing and beautiful sound and feeling ever.  Afte about an hour we were discharged and we quickly came home and I took a nap.  That was a lot of action for one day.  At least we learned that in an emergency, we handled it pretty well and that our hospital is amazing.

Aside from that scare, things are going well.  Up until this point we had decided to not buy anything or do anything baby related because we just weren't ready yet.  Now that we have turned a corner, things are progressing and we are moving forward nicely, we decided to move ahead and start planning for this baby.  We are in the middle of planning a shower, we ordered things to start putting the nursery together and most excitingly, we made our first baby purchase...

would you really expect anything less??!!!

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Week 24 - Kicks & Viability

   Finally at week 24 we felt the baby kick!!!!!  This is amazing and exciting and just down right awesome news.  Most folks feel the baby starting around week 15 so we are 2 months late to the party.  Both of my placentas attached in the front so we weren't quite sure we would get to the feel the baby.  Actually Ryan always felt we would but I was never sure.  Anyways on Friday I woke up to about 5 clear as day kicks, I guess the baby got up before me :)  I couldn't wait to text Ryan and tell him the good news.  When Ryan came home, he put his ear to my stomach and about 30 seconds later, the baby kicked and it physically made Ryan's head jump a bit.  It was amazing.  I am so glad we both got to feel this on the same day.   Since then, like clockwork, our baby kicks every morning and every night when I lay down.

   Week 24 is the viability week.  It means that if for some reason, I gave birth today, our baby would have a good chance of surviving.  It would still be in the NICU and wouldn't be good, we are really only talking about basic survivability, but it's still great news to make it here.  3 months ago, I couldn't even imagine getting this far.  Hitting this milestone the same week we finally felt kicks has been a huge accomplishment for us.


   Mentally and emotionally we still have lots of issues we are working through and will still continue with weekly therapy appointments.  Since I can now feel the baby on a daily basis we are going to try and go longer than ever week to our OB check appointments, but nothing crazy, instead of every week we are going to go every 1 1/2 weeks and see if we are comfortable in doing so.  Our doctor is leaving the decision up to us and if 10 days seems too long, we will move back to weekly appointments.  For now though, it's really starting to feel real for the very first time and hopefully that turns into some comfort on our end.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Meeting Our OB

Yesterday was very exciting, we met our OB for the first time.  He will be our doctor for the next 6 months and if all goes as planned, will deliver our babies.  He is part of a practice so it's kind of whoever is on duty at the time.  It was an exciting appoint because for the first time, we had an appointment where we talked about the babies actually coming into the world.  It was it all so real in an amazingly wonderful way.

Our doctor is an MFM which stands for maternal fetal medicine.  It is basically a specialized OB for high risk pregnancies.  This pregnancy is considered a high risk pregnancy because I am of advanced maternal age (I hate this phrase), anyone over 35 falls into that category, because I have multiples, because I am on blood thinners and because of the complications early on in the pregnancy.

About 2 minutes into meeting him, I knew he was the doctor for me.  He had actually delivered my friends twins so I knew he was capable, I just also really liked his personality.  He knew of my IF journey and he reassured me that since we had worked so hard to get where we were that he would do everything to ensure these babies are safe and healthy and so am I.

He made a comment about how I probably know a lot already about being pregnant and I said I really didn't.  The last 5 1/2 years I have spent researching getting pregnant, I have no idea what I am doing from this point on.  He assured me that even though I don't know what I am doing, my does and it is doing everything it can so that the babies are getting what they need.

He did an ultrasound and this part was very exciting.  It was an ultrasound from on top of my stomach, no more vaginal ultrasounds!!!! This alone is a reason to celebrate.  He said everything looked good and the babies looked great.  He didn't see anything to be concerned about.  He also did a pap smear because it had been two years since I had one done.  Thankfully he skipped the breast exam because mine are so painful right now.

We talked at length about a vaginal birth compared to a C-section.  He would prefer a vaginal birth which I would too.  He gave me a 60% chance of having one which is what all people carrying twins gets.  In order to deliver vaginally, the baby further down needs to be face down and needs to be bigger than the top baby.  We will figure this out much later, but he did tell me that baby B is the baby that is further down so that's the one to watch.  The other exciting news it that he calculated my due date.  For twins, they won't let you go past 38 weeks, so if my water doesn't break before that, they will induce on Dec 21st (my birthday) for a delivery on Dec 22nd.  I am so excited about that.  Our nephew was born on Dec 24th so lots of Christmas babies in this family.  I am also excited that I will deliver at Sharp hospital, which is the same hospital I was born at.

He then talked about what the next 6 months will be like.  He started by saying I come in every month for ultrasounds and an OB check.  I freaked out when he said this.  I am so used to weekly appointments that monthly sounded like an eternity.  He then said he would do an appointment very two weeks for me to help ease the anxiety and keep my calm.  This really did help and reassure my choice in doctors.

Here is the quick recap of my notes and the questions I had for him:

• My RE had a weaning protocol for baby aspirin but he wants me to stay on them the entire pregnancy
• for the next two weeks, I can walk and drive, then after that I can do yoga and swim.  After 68 days of bedrest, this was music to my ears.
• He wants me eating 2500 calories a day.  I am nowhere near that because food is super gross right now.  I'm working on it though..
• For nausea, he wants me to try taking B6
• I asked if there was anything I could do for breast tenderness and he said not really.  The good news though is that the height of the pain is around 11 weeks and that is less than a week away so it's almost over.
• I asked what books he recommended and he like What to Expect and the Mayo Clinic Guide

We finished the appointment by talking about all the testing to be done.  We walked next door to the lab and I gave about 10 vials of blood.  This was called first trimester screening.  We will get the results at our next appointment which is June 22nd.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

7 Week Update

This week was our 7 week check.  We were extremely nervous going into this appointment. With all the complications I've had, we just weren't confident in the outcome of today.  The point of the appointment was this was going to be the first appointment where we would be able to measure our progress and make sure that everything is developing as it should be and on schedule and healthy.

In the waiting room, trying to pass the time
and not think about how nervous we were.

We brought our good luck egg with us and I wore a new bracelet my Mom bought me for good luck.  I also had on my fertility charm necklace.  With crazy anxiety we headed off to our appointment.  Luckily we never wait too long at our clinic, but still the time passed so slowly.




I am very happy to report that we received wonderful news, every number came in perfect!  And drumroll please......, there are lots of numbers to report because we have two babies, we are having twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meet our babies

Baby A measured 7 weeks exactly, right on schedule.  The heart rate was 153 bpm.  Baby B measured 7 weeks and 1 day and had a heart rate of 146 bpm.  These numbers are great.  At this stage we were looking for anything over 120 bpm to show a strong heart so we were just elated with our numbers.  The ultrasound machine can actually play the heart rate so we heard it for the first time.  It was all I could do to hold back the tears but I just didn't want to miss a thing he was saying.  It was such a blessing to finally hear our little miracles and see that they were both doing well.

Now for the other news, I'm still bleeding a lot but the good news is that he thinks he found the source of it.  I have a hairline tear in my cervix.  He believes that it is the result of the large amount of progesterone that I am on and exasperated by the blood thinners.  I still have the blood clot in my uterus too, but he really thinks the bleed is from the cervix.  So I still have to remain on bed rest.  He said that he will let me off of bed rest when I don't bleed for 5 days in a row but he cautioned that this probably won't happen until I'm off the progesterone and that isn't happening for another month.  So he told me to get comfy on the couch.

Our other reason to remain cautious is the irregular shape of Baby B's (on the right) gestational sac.  The gestational sac should be circular, just like Baby A (on the left).  This irregular shape is cause for concern.  I asked him when we will be able to be a little more confident in Baby B and his response was that if the babies make it to week 9, we can feel much better that they will make it to the end.

So while it is too early to really celebrate, we are over the moon that we passed the first big hurdle and at this point, both babies are doing great.  I will continue to see the doctor every week and get new measurements to track their growth.  According to my pregnancy app, that babies aren't really human looking yet and still have tails.  It showed a picture of a 7 week old and it looks more lizard like to me.  They are about 1/2" big and the size of blueberries.  Here's hoping and praying that our little blueberries keep growing and keep fighting!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Welcome To My New Blog

Welcome to my new blog and a new chapter in our journey.  As I write this post, I am officially 6 weeks pregnant (it's crazy to even type that!), which is way too soon to be official and there are many hurdles and many things that can go wrong, but in the interest of full disclosure, something we felt we wanted to share.  There is a reason that people traditionally don't tell anyone until 12 weeks because so much can go wrong between now and then, but this journey has been far from traditional.  And if God forbid, something does go wrong, we are going to need all the support we can get.

As the name of my blog suggests, I will always be a part of the infertility community, just getting a positive test results doesn't mean that we have overcome the emotional toll that infertility places on us.  We are still dealing with infertility even though I am pregnant, which sounds like such a conflicting statements.  Because this pregnancy was created through ART, we have different challenges, both mental and physical, than a spontaneous and traditional pregnancy.  I will explore those issues as we progress.

Parker is glued to my side.  I wonder if she knows...

Right now I am on bed rest, I've had complications and my doctor is concerned, so living on the couch it is.  I've had a lot of bleeding, coupled with severe cramping.  On my last ultrasound he found a blood clot in my uterus.  So couch life it is.

Huge shout out to my family!  They have been awesome and take turns coming over.  I am so thankful to be home in San Diego and to have their help.  I'm rotating through my Mom, Dad, Brother and Grandmother. And of course Ryan is here too and Parker.  Every time I take a few steps, the pain gets much worse so having them around has been great.

Our last ultrasounds was too early to take measurements of anything so all we have really been able to see is the gestational sac and the yolk sac.  We go back in a week and at 7 weeks things should be big enough to get accurate measurements and be able to tell how viable this pregnancy really is.  I asked my doctor when I can get excited and feel like this is actually something real and his answer was at 9 weeks, so we have 3 very long weeks to go.

At this point, we both go back and forth from happy to scared to death.  I am trying to stay positive but have been sucked into dark thoughts and have had several bad days. Every time I go to the doctor, we get some good news and some bad news.  Plus being so involved in the infertility community, I have heard so many awful stories.  For the last 5 years, every time I have felt a glimmer of hope, it has been a hard awful crash back down. Mentally just trying to protect myself and not get too excited just yet.  I will say though that making it to this point has been a giant relief on one very significant level.  Up until now, I had no idea if my body would ever make it to implantation.  Now at least we know that I can which is amazing in and of itself.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER